The count down is really on now, only 5 weeks to go. I've pretty much got past my danger period with regards to a premature birth so hopefully well on my way to that water birth and a beautiful healthy baby.
I'm writing this from Scotland, i'm staying in the little village i spent the first 22 years of my life growing up in. Its situated west of Edinburgh and can you believe it, tempting fate i know but we are yet to have any rain! My little girl and i have come up for a little rest before the big event. She is being spoiled terribly by her Granny and enjoying every second of it. Its quite nice though as she doesnt really see much of my family as they are all up here and its quite a distance to travel.
It is taking some time to adjust on my part, i haven't spend more than a few hours alone with my parents for many years. The last time i spent a week with them was when i got out of hospital after a failed suicide attempt at 19 years old. My relationship with them has always been strained for a number of reasons but much to my surprise it is going quite well at the moment but then it is only monday!
I was slightly nervous about coming back for any length of time i've always thought that the village holds a lot of bad memories for me as the majority of my bad bouts of depression happened when i lived here. Bringing my little girl with me has made me view the place from a different perspective she can see spring lambs from her bedroom window, instead of just rows of house roofs and there is vast fields, and trees the other side of the house. Today we went picking wild spring flowers and collecting cones, she loves just being able to run free without me calling her back for fear of her tripping over beer cans or in dog mess. In her eyes it is a magical and exciting place full of adventure and made for exploring.
It has made me realise this place wasnt so bad and i'm grateful that i had the chance to grow up in such surroundings, many kids growing up in the city dont get the chance to see lambs chasing each other around a field or foxes out hunting as the sun goes down. My depression was connected to many things and i probably outgrew my birth place but it certainly wasnt the cause. My life is totally different now, mentally i'm in a better place and i'm a different person from the one that left Scotland for good 4 1/2 years ago. I'm missing my lovely fiance like mad but i'm glad i decided to come. I'm feeling more positive for it already.
Take care and stay positive. x
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4 comments:
Very glad to hear you're almost out the danger zone. Hope the visit north of the border continue to go well.
hya,
wow, so jealous, wish ya could of packed me in ya suitcase!!!
so glad your enjoying yourself, you'll av 2 put some of the snaps on of the lambs n that sounds brill.
good 2 hear your getting along with your parents better too! negative thoughts and feelings (even if founded) are never a good thing!
purkul
x
purkul
x
It's really good news that things are more settled for you - your last post was quite worrying. It's good seeing our childhood homes through the eyes of our children. I had a similar experience taking my two boys to my birthplace (which I had come to dislike in my teens) - and I was able to see it for what it was - a quiet, rather down-at-heel seaside town that was in its own way quite charming. I hope you enjoy the rest of your stay - Tone x
Very glad to hear you are past the danger period - that must be a huge relief.
Reading your description of the area of Scotland that you are visiting, reminded me of the two years I spent living in the Highlands(12 miles from Avimore) and then in Inverness. It is just as you describe,(I loved the scenery,the lochs and the mountains especially)
Hope everything continues to go well for you.
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