Its been a while since my last blog this has been due to technology failure. We have changed internet providers and it has taken me all this time to get broadband up and running. I cant believe how much i missed it.
The countdown is really on now to the wedding. It's 2 weeks on saturday and to put it politely im wetting myself. I know it probably sounds stupid bearing in mind we have 2 children and live together so in theory nothing should change. But i'm so nervous partly because im going to be center of attention which isn't my style but partly because it just seems like such a big deal saying "im going to be with you forever".
I love Sean with all my heart, dont get me wrong he drives me up the wall a lot of the time but without even realising it he has given me so much and taught me so many things about myself. I still get butterflies when he kisses me and he has the ability to make the world stand still when he holds me. He has such a kind and beautiful heart and i'm a lucky girl to have found him (Purkul can take the credit for that). I know he is 'the one' but it doesnt stop me worrying.
I never thought i'd ever meet someone, settle down and do the whole marriage and kids thing so i think thats where my worrying, nerves etc comes from. I'm sure many brides and grooms go through all these feelings. I've found denial is a good place to be at the moment, a friend once introduced me to denial (she knows who she is) and at times like this, when i need to be in organisation mode believe me its where i need to be. Once everything on the list is ticked off and all the plans are in place then i can freak out about the fact i'm going to be someones 'wife'.
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
Wednesday, 22 August 2007
I'm getting married!
My partner and i decided on thursday night that we were going to set a date for the wedding. We have been putting it off mainly because of money, the modern wedding is very expensive so we were planning to save up. Life gets in the way of these things though there is so many things we want to do so saving for the wedding had kind of taken a back seat really. We are doing some building work at the moment and our new kitchen is being fitted in a few weeks, we want to replace the bathroom suite, which like the kitchen we inherited with the house and has needed changing since we moved in. Then of course there are the girls, and children certainly dont come cheap. Then there is the 101 other things that need doing so the big wedding thing was never going to happen.
I always thought i would get married in Scotland but it just wasnt going to be feasible so we decided to wait no longer and plan a wedding for down here. Neither of us are religious so we opted for a registry office, i called the registrar on Friday morning and within a few minutes i had a wedding date for the 20th October this year (9 weeks away). I cant believe its happening so quickly, i've gone into planning mode, with lots of panic thrown in. I'm doing not to bad the reception is booked and the catering sorted, as is the cake. I'm going to view wedding cars tonight and i've got quotes from photographers. I've chosen the florist and what flowers i want i just need to go and speak to her about how i want them arranged. I'm going for roses because sean is english and thistles because i'm scottish.
Sean has chosen his best man although i dont think either of them are keen on the fact i want them to wear kilts. They have fittings on saturday for them. I love a man in a kilt i'm sure they will be happier once the see them on (i hope). I'm going wedding dress shopping on friday, i'm very excited but also really nervous for some reason. I have also ordered dresses for Jessica and Ruby, they are going to look so cute! I just need to organise a kilt for my nephew and a dress for my neice, this is a little more difficult as they live in Alness which is near Inverness, but i'm sure i'll sort something.
Purkul is doing a fantastic job helping me make the invites, we thought it would be cheaper and nicer to make our own. It has been pretty hard work but they are looking really good i think. I couldnt have done it all without her help though, she is a star!
I better get back to it now, still lots to do and children to look after.
take care.
x
I always thought i would get married in Scotland but it just wasnt going to be feasible so we decided to wait no longer and plan a wedding for down here. Neither of us are religious so we opted for a registry office, i called the registrar on Friday morning and within a few minutes i had a wedding date for the 20th October this year (9 weeks away). I cant believe its happening so quickly, i've gone into planning mode, with lots of panic thrown in. I'm doing not to bad the reception is booked and the catering sorted, as is the cake. I'm going to view wedding cars tonight and i've got quotes from photographers. I've chosen the florist and what flowers i want i just need to go and speak to her about how i want them arranged. I'm going for roses because sean is english and thistles because i'm scottish.
Sean has chosen his best man although i dont think either of them are keen on the fact i want them to wear kilts. They have fittings on saturday for them. I love a man in a kilt i'm sure they will be happier once the see them on (i hope). I'm going wedding dress shopping on friday, i'm very excited but also really nervous for some reason. I have also ordered dresses for Jessica and Ruby, they are going to look so cute! I just need to organise a kilt for my nephew and a dress for my neice, this is a little more difficult as they live in Alness which is near Inverness, but i'm sure i'll sort something.
Purkul is doing a fantastic job helping me make the invites, we thought it would be cheaper and nicer to make our own. It has been pretty hard work but they are looking really good i think. I couldnt have done it all without her help though, she is a star!
I better get back to it now, still lots to do and children to look after.
take care.
x
Monday, 6 August 2007
Mull of Galloway
We got back on saturday from our week away in the Mull of Galloway, the most southernly point of Scotland. It is a beautiful part of the country and i would recommend it to anyone who wants some peace and quiet, quality time to themselves with beautiful views and who doesnt mind having cows as their nearest neighbours. It was really remote but as long as you have a car you're in travelling distance to a lot of lovely little villages and towns.
It took us five hours to get there but that did include a stop for feeding, nappy change and a stretch of the legs. Ruby slept most of the way only waking for her feed so that was good but gone are the days when our oldest slept all the way. So there were a couple of arguments over the straps on her car seat (we are going through a phase of trying to escape the restraints of her car seat) but we all made it in one piece.
Jessica loved spending time with my niece (12) and nephew (5). We were staying in the old lighthouse keepers cottage now owned by the National Trust. The garden was very secure so the kids could run around without an adult with them constantly and then there were plenty of places to walk outside the cottage. The view out the rooms at the back of the cottage looked straight out onto the sea, definately a lovely way to wake up in the mornings.
We went to Port Logan and Port Patrick both lovely little towns with small beaches. Jessica insisted that the beach was made of snow, (poor child doesnt get to see much sand in Stoke-on-Trent). We visited a victorian fish larder, basically a big pond full of fish but the kids got to hold star fish and other such creatures so they loved it. And of course we climbed to the top of the lighthouse (115 steps) amongst other various trips. But the best trip was probably on the HSS Stena to Belfast. The ferry was lovely inside and there was plenty of things to do on board including a cinema. When we got to Belfast we took a coach trip to the zoo. Had to climb lots of steep hills in the zoo so the kids were all ready for bed by the time we got back to the cottage that night.
I've always been a fan of my mobile phone but it was a rare occasion when one of us got reception, but it was kinda nice having the feeling of being away from it all. But sadly its back to normality now, although i do feel my batteries have been recharged some what.
Sunday, 15 July 2007
Tears and tantrums
Can you believe this weather its suppose to be July so where is the sun? Was hoping with the sun would come long walks to help lose the baby weight i gained and also get the girls out in the fresh air but it would appear that its not meant to be. I feel like a caged animal when i cant get out the house for days on end. Ruby doesnt sleep much during the day if we are in the house so ive got both kids to keep entertained, which can be quite difficult when the older one wants to paint or make cakes and the younger one picks this time to want a feed or need a nappy change. This usually results in quite a mess, my ability to multi task is definately put to the test.
Ruby is 10 weeks old now and she is getting much easier especially at night. It can take a couple of attempts to get her settled but once she is asleep i pretty much get the evening to myself then. The problem this week has been with Jessica. On wednesday she had a party at playgroup for all the kids that are leaving and starting school after the summer. We walked in and to say there were kids and adults everywhere is an understatement i found it quite intimidating so i can only imagine how she felt and she got quite upset. I decided to stay with her so as not to upset her any more but while we were in the group singing i had to leave the room as Ruby woke up and was screaming Jessica started to cry and one of the play leaders held onto her and shut the door behind me. She did stop crying but as soon as they left the room to come back to the main hall and Jessica saw me she became quite distressed again. She eventually calmed down and seemed to enjoy the rest of the party. However that night when we tried to put her to bed she threw an almighty tantrum when we tried to close the bedroom door, a couple of hours later she calmed down enough to fall asleep, but since then whenever we shut a door or stairgate and she cant get to us she becomes really distressed. Her behaviour has also changed when we take her out, we get a lot more tears and tantrums that we did before. We are finding it difficult because she disturbs Ruby and we have never really had a problem with her at night she has pretty much always been a good sleeper and we have never needed to leave a light on or have the door open. Each night she is slowly getting better but at the moment the door is having to be left open although the size of gap it is left open is gradually getting smaller and im hoping in a few night we can have it shut altogether. I dont know if this is a normal phase kids go through, separation anxiety i think they call it or if its a real problem. I just hope she gets back to normal soon. But i think it just shows how one seemingly small incident can have a big impact on a child and their behaviour. It has really made me think.
Ruby is 10 weeks old now and she is getting much easier especially at night. It can take a couple of attempts to get her settled but once she is asleep i pretty much get the evening to myself then. The problem this week has been with Jessica. On wednesday she had a party at playgroup for all the kids that are leaving and starting school after the summer. We walked in and to say there were kids and adults everywhere is an understatement i found it quite intimidating so i can only imagine how she felt and she got quite upset. I decided to stay with her so as not to upset her any more but while we were in the group singing i had to leave the room as Ruby woke up and was screaming Jessica started to cry and one of the play leaders held onto her and shut the door behind me. She did stop crying but as soon as they left the room to come back to the main hall and Jessica saw me she became quite distressed again. She eventually calmed down and seemed to enjoy the rest of the party. However that night when we tried to put her to bed she threw an almighty tantrum when we tried to close the bedroom door, a couple of hours later she calmed down enough to fall asleep, but since then whenever we shut a door or stairgate and she cant get to us she becomes really distressed. Her behaviour has also changed when we take her out, we get a lot more tears and tantrums that we did before. We are finding it difficult because she disturbs Ruby and we have never really had a problem with her at night she has pretty much always been a good sleeper and we have never needed to leave a light on or have the door open. Each night she is slowly getting better but at the moment the door is having to be left open although the size of gap it is left open is gradually getting smaller and im hoping in a few night we can have it shut altogether. I dont know if this is a normal phase kids go through, separation anxiety i think they call it or if its a real problem. I just hope she gets back to normal soon. But i think it just shows how one seemingly small incident can have a big impact on a child and their behaviour. It has really made me think.
Thursday, 28 June 2007
postnatal check and buggy buying minefield
Ruby is 8 weeks old now and growing by the day. She had her postnatal check on tuesday and is tipping the scales (quite literally) at 12lb 5oz and is 57cm long. So in 8 weeks she has gained 4lb 2oz and grown 7 cm, what are they putting in the formula i ask myself. With her little chubby cheeks she is pretty damn cute though and all the receptionists at the doctors were all fussing over her although she wasnt all that impressed by them. But she was even less impressed by her first lot of vaccinations, i'm sure the whole of stoke on trent must have heard her scream. And we have got to go through it all again in 4 weeks times, something to look forward to.
We went buggy shopping last night. Ruby has been using the buggy we bought for her sister as it has the whole travel system thing going on but i decided the buggy is just too big and clumsy and a nightmare to get on and off buses and when we fold it in the back of the car it takes up half the boot space which is quite an achievement as we have an estate. We went to mothercare 'just to have a look' who would have thought it was so difficult to choose a buggy. There is so much to consider whether you want 'compact telescopic fold' or a 'lightweight flat fold chassis' and whether you need 'four way suspension' or just 'air-filled back tyres for greater suspension' not to mention '360 degree monofork front swivel wheel and disc brake' (what the hell is that!!!) you can even get one with a built in docking station for an ipod so you can play nursery rhymes to your baby while out and about. Then of course there is which colour to choose sulphur or pistachio, indian spice or strawberry. I just wanted a buggy that looks half decent and that ruby can sit in! we ended up leaving with a loola which has all round suspension, handle mounted lock to switch between fixed or swivel wheels and lightweight aluminium frame, they were sold out of pearly grey so we went for sport red. Most importantly we didnt need to take out a second mortgage to afford it . And after all that was Ruby impressed by our choice? I dont think she even noticed that she wasnt in her usual buggy that's gratitude for you.
x
We went buggy shopping last night. Ruby has been using the buggy we bought for her sister as it has the whole travel system thing going on but i decided the buggy is just too big and clumsy and a nightmare to get on and off buses and when we fold it in the back of the car it takes up half the boot space which is quite an achievement as we have an estate. We went to mothercare 'just to have a look' who would have thought it was so difficult to choose a buggy. There is so much to consider whether you want 'compact telescopic fold' or a 'lightweight flat fold chassis' and whether you need 'four way suspension' or just 'air-filled back tyres for greater suspension' not to mention '360 degree monofork front swivel wheel and disc brake' (what the hell is that!!!) you can even get one with a built in docking station for an ipod so you can play nursery rhymes to your baby while out and about. Then of course there is which colour to choose sulphur or pistachio, indian spice or strawberry. I just wanted a buggy that looks half decent and that ruby can sit in! we ended up leaving with a loola which has all round suspension, handle mounted lock to switch between fixed or swivel wheels and lightweight aluminium frame, they were sold out of pearly grey so we went for sport red. Most importantly we didnt need to take out a second mortgage to afford it . And after all that was Ruby impressed by our choice? I dont think she even noticed that she wasnt in her usual buggy that's gratitude for you.
x
Tuesday, 12 June 2007
aww isnt she cute, but then i would say that!
well Ruby will be 6 weeks tomorrow and she is definately feeling like part of the family now. Its funny how you quickly adjust to a new baby and slip into a routine. She smiles loads and has started gooing and gaaing which is very sweet. It is taking some time but she is gradually becoming more of a contented baby. She hasnt enjoyed this hot weather we have been having it must be my Scottish genes she has inherited, more used to the cold weather. I think she is generally just all hot and bothered, lets hope the rest of the summer doesnt get too hot.
My partner seems to be adjusting to having a new baby now, he does most of ruby's baths and feeds before she goes down to bed at night and since she has started smiling at him i think he is feeling a bit more loved. I've told him not to take it so personally when she cries and wont stop he seemed to think it was because of him, but babies cry its what they do and something Ruby is very good at!
Jessica started playgroup last week, its only a couple of hours on a thursday morning but she loved it, i think she is really ready for it. Educationally i dont think its that important at the moment as she is doing well for her age regards to counting, colours, shapes etc but socially i'm hoping it will bring her on a bit. Every morning since she went she has asked if she can go and play with the boys and girls so i'm taking this as a good sign. I'm going to try and leave her this week and see how it goes. I imagine its going to be harder for me than it will be for her.
I've given up hope of losing weight by just eating chocolate sadly it doesnt seem to work, so i've gone on the GI diet, to be honest a lot of it is common sense and just eating healthy while cutting down on portion size. Been to the gym a couple of times but really need to start making it more of a regular thing. Its just trying to fit it in. I pretty much feel knackered all the time and feel slighlty guilty of leaving the girls with their dad when he been at work all day. But i do feel the benefits of getting out on my own for an hour and doing a bit of exercise. I think i'd feel happier in myself too if i lost weight. I put on 2 1/2 stone when i was pregnant i have lost sum of it but still got another 11 pound to go and hopefully a bit more will follow.
take care x
Thursday, 31 May 2007
4 weeks on.
Ruby was 4 weeks old yesterday, it has just flown by. It sounds silly but already i cant remember what life was like before she arrived, quieter i'm guessing but other than that. She is gradually settling into a routine at night going several hours between feeds most nights and my partner and i are getting some 'us' time when both girls are in bed. Its nice just being able to snuggle up on the sofa and watch a bit of tv without children climbing on us, crying, puking or any of the other lovely things children do.
I think my partner is still finding the adjustment hard and not sure he has bonded with the baby yet which worries me slightly. He wont admit as much and tried to avoid the question 'do you love her?' he would only commit to 'i know i dont feel the same way about her as you do'. I know it must be hard for him, i've had 9 mths to bond with her, feeling her move and hearing her heart beating at antenatal appointments. And the first week or so was hard it sounds awful to admit it but the thought 'i've made a terrible mistake' did cross my mind on a couple of occassions. Now i wouldnt be without her and she totally melted my heart the other day when she gave me a huge grin (it wasnt just wind) i'd forgotten how magical the 'firsts' can be, smiling, laughing, walking etc. He seems to prefer to spend time with our oldest little girl, but i'm pretty sure i had these worries when she was born and it didnt seem like he was bonding. I'm hoping its just a confidence thing and as she starts to do more he will bond with her as he has with our other daughter.
Our oldest seems to be getting used to her new sister now. She has taken to lying on the activity mat with her and holding her hand which is so sweet. She comes up and kisses and cuddles her alot during the day too. Although i think when Ruby starts crying it still upsets her a bit and she does get jealous if Ruby is taking up too much of my time. I'm trying to set aside time for her when Ruby is asleep in the day to do things she enjoys such as painting and glueing and reading.
I'm feeling ok in myself, tired a lot of the time but thats to be expected with a new baby. I've been giving the future a lot of thought, my career in particular. It worries me the longer i stay out of full time work the less use my degree will be. I'm torn between being at home with the kids and kick starting my career. I know motherhood is the most important job in the world but and this is probably totally selfish i want to experience the challenges work can bring and i miss learning and having new experiences and to be honest the money would come in handy. Working from home would be the perfect compromise i think but thats not really possible with the career i want and i cant find anything else that interests me. I dont need to worry about returning to work until the end of the year so for now i'll just enjoy watching the girls grow up. I know anyway that if i did go back to work full time i'd miss the girls terribly and i'd feel so guilty about it. I guess this is the dilemma that most of todays women face and one there is no right answer to.
take care x
I think my partner is still finding the adjustment hard and not sure he has bonded with the baby yet which worries me slightly. He wont admit as much and tried to avoid the question 'do you love her?' he would only commit to 'i know i dont feel the same way about her as you do'. I know it must be hard for him, i've had 9 mths to bond with her, feeling her move and hearing her heart beating at antenatal appointments. And the first week or so was hard it sounds awful to admit it but the thought 'i've made a terrible mistake' did cross my mind on a couple of occassions. Now i wouldnt be without her and she totally melted my heart the other day when she gave me a huge grin (it wasnt just wind) i'd forgotten how magical the 'firsts' can be, smiling, laughing, walking etc. He seems to prefer to spend time with our oldest little girl, but i'm pretty sure i had these worries when she was born and it didnt seem like he was bonding. I'm hoping its just a confidence thing and as she starts to do more he will bond with her as he has with our other daughter.
Our oldest seems to be getting used to her new sister now. She has taken to lying on the activity mat with her and holding her hand which is so sweet. She comes up and kisses and cuddles her alot during the day too. Although i think when Ruby starts crying it still upsets her a bit and she does get jealous if Ruby is taking up too much of my time. I'm trying to set aside time for her when Ruby is asleep in the day to do things she enjoys such as painting and glueing and reading.
I'm feeling ok in myself, tired a lot of the time but thats to be expected with a new baby. I've been giving the future a lot of thought, my career in particular. It worries me the longer i stay out of full time work the less use my degree will be. I'm torn between being at home with the kids and kick starting my career. I know motherhood is the most important job in the world but and this is probably totally selfish i want to experience the challenges work can bring and i miss learning and having new experiences and to be honest the money would come in handy. Working from home would be the perfect compromise i think but thats not really possible with the career i want and i cant find anything else that interests me. I dont need to worry about returning to work until the end of the year so for now i'll just enjoy watching the girls grow up. I know anyway that if i did go back to work full time i'd miss the girls terribly and i'd feel so guilty about it. I guess this is the dilemma that most of todays women face and one there is no right answer to.
take care x
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